Pee Shivers

Guys are the only ones who ever come into contact with the pee-shivers - at least, according to my wife. The pee-shiver is by far one of the most enjoyable part of my day. It normally occurs between 1am and 4am - just after I have taken Duncan out to perform his societal duties on the grass.

I guess watching a dog pee in the middle of the night makes my bladder perk up. I normally get back upstairs, blindly walk to the bathroom and allow instinct to direct me to the most porcelain of porcelains. It would probably be a good idea to turn on the lights - but why would I want to do that? That would wake me up and screw up my "sleepiness."

So I hover in and lift the lid - always - and then let, well, you know what happens.

Sometime in the middle of this act I am stirred with a chilling sensation - like little elves poke my sides and pull up the hairs on my neck. My only reaction is to quiver - shake - shiver in an attempt to get the elves off of me.

That, my friends, is the essence of the pee-shiver.

I am through with you for now.

Wow - when I first signed up for this thing I thought I would do this more often. In the words of the great Darius Rucker (of Hootie & The Blowfish fame), "Time, why do you punish me?"

Time has not been on the side of my entries lately. For that - I apologize (but not really). I have been creating demand - making you people want more of me, more of this.

Lots of things have happened since we last shared this same cup - Joanna and I have marked our territory as newlyweds no longer - we celebrated our first anniversary. Duncan has also marked his territory - repeatedly - in multiple areas. Would life be easier if we all just pee'd wherever we want? In some accounts, yes. You could just drop trow and go to work. But then again, isn't it nice to excuse oneself from a particular social situation and urniate... or, excuse oneself to urinate just to excuse oneself, sans urination.

You know - I have many times faked phone calls to avoid talking to people - is that wrong? I think it is a relatively easy way to get away from people that I am through with. Now don't get me wrong - I love people, all people. I just don't like to talk to all people. So I will call my wife and tell her to call me in 6 minutes so that I can get out of whatever it is that I am in. Again, is this wrong? Would it be better for me to say "I am through with you." and end the conversation?

Maybe I could combine the two - for example, tell someone "I am through with you." End the conversation - and then pee on them unexpectantly.

(Insert the sound of unzipping here)