Tuesday, August 21, 2007

today's MAMOMY

Most Awkward Moment Of My daY

It happens every day. Each and every single one. Some days its more awkward than others. And please, please remember that I feed on MAMOMYs. I love them. I nurture them. I like to create them because I know I can cartoonishly backward tip-toe out of them while others are left to savage what this social hurricane just brought.


And today, well, today was no different.

You see, I work in corporate America. The land of the stapler, the ergonomic chair, the out-of-office message, and the ever popular coffee that tastes like poopoo. It's the amber waves of grain across a sea of cubicles. I love it.

MAMOMYs sprout like dandilions in this realm. There are so many people from different backgrounds, all coming together, working on eggshells trying to get through the day while not divulging too much of themselves personally... it's the ingredients of a masterpiece.

Without further adieu, I give you Episode CMXI, "You got a prescription for that?"

Our main character in this play isn't someone I have day-to-day interaction with... no, in fact, I try to keep to myself. I have my scene. It's a scene that I operate very well in, and I enjoy the others who exist in my scene. However, there are those around us that are in Ven Diagram Scenes... and we have to acknowledge them in the least.

Clyde, our main character, is quite a number. Clothes are just a little too tight for my comfort. No, Clyde's wardrobe is not my business. But if his wardobe leaves little to imagine what and where his business is... he makes his business the business of those around us, no?

Clyde is normally a little off the wall. You can hear him. He's like an attention-starved tigger... most of the time I am processes his bouncing off of the walls by imaging what a stun-gun might do to our tightly-clothed, orange and black striped wonderful-ting-about-Clyde-is-that-Clyde-is-a-wonderful thing.

Clyde was a little off today. No bouncing. No singing. No gallivanting. No imitating Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. Clyde seemed more of a Eeyore than Tigger.

Someone happened to approach Clyde about this very thing.

That's the thing about this wild world of workdom... you are forced to show compassion for these people. You care--because that's the hand you are dealt.

So imagine this... bustling office... faxes, clicking, phones ringing, mumbled conversation about fall tv lineups, etc. There's Clyde--standing--dazed.

"Clyde--is everything alright? You seem kind of down today?"

Then it was like slow motion... I could see Clyde's mouth moving, but everything was registering lowly as he sprang-forth his response:

"I'm sorry you guys. Things have been rough lately and I've been taking a lot of Xanax today. Maybe I could get a break?"

(DEAD silence)
(Soooo silent)
(Like silent enough to hear a worm fart three blocks down)
(Seconds... minutes... I dunno it could have been days that passed by... no one said a word)

{Side note--for anyone unfamiliar with Xanax... drugs.com says that Xanax is in a group of drugs called benzodiazepines (ben-zoe-dye-AZE-eh-peens). Xanax affects chemicals in the brain that may become unbalanced and cause anxiety. Xanax is used to treat anxiety disorders, panic disorders, and anxiety caused by depression. }

Slowly, everyone turned, went to the closest pile of papers. Rustle. Straighten. Apply paper clips. Just do something. No sudden movements. No facial expressions. Just act... like... every... thing... is... normal...

Zoom the camera to me. Business me. Office me. I throw my hands in the air and I mouth MAMOMY.