SILENCE!!!

I am back in the saddle after taking some time away from yee old web log (shortened to blog because 'web log' is obviously too long).

Fear not, sweet fans. Cry no more, pardoned critics. Fret not another fret, clean mother-in-law. I did not fall in to the toilet upon my last trip. I did, however, barely escape the clutches of that swirling water. In the words of Yoda, "Dangerous the crapper is."

I have a couple of things that I need to get off of my chest - so sit back - pull up a mug of your beverage of choice - and lets solve world issues.

TO THOSE PEOPLE WHO DO NOT LIKE NAPOLEON DYNAMITE
Baffoonery! Idiocracy! How in the world can anyone not like this movie! Over-hyped you might say? So what. That just means you waited too long to see it. Too quotable? What the #%@? kind of reason is that? Too quotable? A similar argument might sound like this:
{Do you want to try my ice cream? Sure. Yuck! That is not any good! That ice cream is too creamy! How dare you! I will never try ice cream again because you suggested I try ice cream that has too much cream in it.} NEWSFLASH - ice cream is made OF cream. Movies are made OF quotes. Too quoteable? Do us all a favor a pull your bottom lip over your head - now swallow. If you have not seen it - APPLY YOUR EAR MUFFS and do not listen to this... if you have seen it and enjoyed it - stand now, fist in the air, and support me... if you have seen it and didnt like it - listen closely. I am going to give you a secret. I will tell you why Napoleon Dynamite is so genius... it is real. You went to high school with that guy - that one guy - kind of weird... probably played D&D too much (that's Dungeons and Dragons)... probably wore some odd combos not including stylish Girbaud or Lucky jeans.

For my school it was a couple of people. One guy I remember used to pick at his toes during journalism class. He would take off his hiking boots (fake ones - not Dr. Martins) and remove his tube socks to pick his toes. He would have piles of toe nails on his desk. Actions like that yielded the ugly rumor (that I still believe) that this gentle dude - the toe picker - was born without a butthole. It was manually inserted. Yes, this dude was born sanz anus. (sidenote - how do you insert one of those? Power drill?) Another Napoleon from my childhood was always brought to middle school by her creepy parents - the ones with voodoo dolls and skulls hanging from their car. We always assumed that this pale girl - who obviously cut her own hair with a pocket knife - was a witch. Yeah, a real one. I never messed with that girl because, well, she scared me. Still does. Her name make hairs stand.

We are so used to seeing these social outcasts that we forget to root for them. That is the beauty of Napoleon, Deb, Pedro, Kip, Uncle Rico and Rex (of Rex-Kwando). We are forced to root for the social outcasts because we see how bad they are treated. Napoleon is a hero.

Watch this movie again and think about your high school. Think about that guy who you used to ask to come up to your car window so you could turn your wipers on high and spray them. Think about the dude that used to make lists of his friends, or maps of the parking lot. Think about the guy who wore all black all the time. Think about the dude that used to have solos in the band - or most band people. Life isn't about classifying these people as band people or drama people or the in-crowd, the athletes, poop-kickers (cowboys) or potheads - but we do it. We like classifying others and comparing them to us - for whatever reason.

Now slowly peel off your VOTE FOR PEDRO t-shirt and eat your tots - but remember this - if you have to ask some hot babe to the dance - you should build her a cake or something!

DEEPTHROAT IS KIRK DOUGLAS?
Watergate's secret has burst aflood... and now we know who deepthroat is.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8047258/?GT1=6657

I didnt realize he was such a good actor - http://imdb.com/gallery/granitz/2885/Events/2885/KirkDougla_Pimen_4541520_400.jpg?path=pgallery&path_key=Douglas,%20Kirk%20(I)

OBSCURE HOLLYWOOD STAR FOR TODAY
This is now a recurring part of this whole thing - ring a bell for that.

Today's OHSFT is Bill Byrge. Bill may be known best for his recurring roles in Jim Varney movies... err, Ernest P. Worrel movies. He wasy Bobby... in all of them. He was also the dead guy in the video for Ray Steven's "Sitting Up With the Dead."

Alright - phew. Good talk, Russ. Can't see the line, can you Russ? Russ!