Bottom Five:
5. Larry King. I'm not exactly sure what it is about Larry King that bothers me. I support his use of support (suspenders). He's got sustainability and some (some) pizazz. I think its that I think he should be dead and gone now. I'm just kind of over the whole Larry King thing... and the fact that he's still blowing and going just kind of gets to me. Not to mention, he's kind of a donkey. I mean he knows he's lived thrice as long as most of his guests... so he holds that over their heads.
4. Senator Larry Craig. This guy was almost placed in the Top Five for his tomfoolery... namely his quote, when referring to then President Bill Clinton as a "nasty, bad and naughty boy." Senator Craig did something suspect, admitted to it and has since indian-gave his admission. Weird. Funny. His indecisiveness and bizarre anti-admission rant place him firmly in the Bottom Five.
3. Larry Flynt. Born in 1942, this man has lived a hard 65 years. Through his personal struggles and addictions he managed to weave pornography into the fabric of our subculture. Way to go, Larry! Larry Flynt has even at one point appeared in a court of law wearing a diaper... made from an American flag. He wins the "Not such a good American, buddy" lifetime un-achievement award for his failed effort at positively contributing.
2. Larry Appleton. Perhaps you know him better as Cousin Larry from the 80s sitcom Perfect Strangers. Cousin Larry constantly oppressed Balky. I would even argue that he slowed Balky's acclimation to America and thus prevented Balky from being truly happy... except when they combined to do the happy dance. Furthermore, Cousin Larry is charged with blatant crimes against fashion... including neon colors, turtlenecks and possibly something designed by Ocean Pacific.
1. Larry the Cable Guy. Can I tell you that I would rather loan my crotch to ESPN's "The Contender" to use as a punching bag than have to hear this spare spare ever again. Some things you can call a 'flash in the pan.' Larry the Cable Guy is more like someone burning their waste in a pan. Gross. Git Er' Done.Now, for something a little more Topish.
Top Five:
5. Larry Johnson. Three syllables: Gran-Ma-Ma.
4. Larry Fine. Larry. Probably the original Larry. And comic genius to boot. As one of "The Three Stooges," Fine has impacted the lives of millions. Not bad, Larry. Not bad at all.
3. Larry Page. This Larry has an estimated net worth of more than $18 billion. Why? Because he helped invent google.
2. Larry David. When I grow up I want to be just like this Larry. He's nonchalant and neurotic, and double-awkward. And easily the 2nd most genius comedic mind named Larry (behind Larry Fine, above). Besides starring in HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David co-created/produced/wrote Seinfeld... which means I have spent many, many hours studying his handiwork.
1. Larry Joe Bird. The pride of French Lick, Indiana, is the all-time best Larry. He won three NBA Titles (81, 84, 86), two NBA Finals MVPs and three regular season MVPs. Because of the quaff-like hairstyle that I share with Bird, my first basketball coach made a comment of commonality between us two... forever linking our fates and intertwining me into a world of rooting for the Boston Celtics. That was around 1988.Which brings me to the reason that today is just a joyous day. Tonight the Celtics opened their 2007-08 NBA season. I can't begin to describe how much I have looked forward to this day. It has been 5 years since there was this much anticipation for a Boston team (the 2002 team went to the Eastern Conference Finals), and longer, much longer since the team has had a significant chance at raising a 17th Championship Banner. But this year there is hope.
And hope lives in a two bedroom apartment next to the TD Banknorth Garden. We're pen pals.
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