i remember vividly the struggle to get pregnant with pierce - and even more vividly the lesson that God taught me through that 'valley' - the story of lazarus and how i must wait patiently for my 3rd day and God's perfect timing for His glory.
after getting pregnant with pierce, i honestly thought that God was done teaching me "tough stuff" for a while... crazy me.
when we decided to start trying again for another little one, i was fully ready to try for a while. however this time God had different plans and we got pregnant much quicker. i was so excited when i took that pregnancy test and saw that i was pregnant and i remember thanking God right away for this little blessing and the fact that it didn't take as long this time.
fast forward about 2 weeks... despite my overwhelming excitement, i couldn't shake the even greater overwhelming feeling of anxiety. i was worried about loving another little one as much as pierce and how in the world was i going to take care of 2 little ones. this little "overwhelming feeling" started out as a few tears and quickly escalated into much more. i became full of anxiety to the point of not wanting to be alone ever, being afraid to drive because i was worried something bad was going to happen, and basically a huge emotional mess. i became very dependent on other people and let my mind wander and worry all the time. after talking to my doctor, she prescribed a low dosage of some anxiety medicine to help me. i thought this would be a quick fix and life would return to normal. however God had different plans - He wanted to really teach me a huge lesson in trust, faith, and acting upon this trust and faith. i spent many hours reading His word and meditating on His promises. i knew it all in my head but was struggling with what to do and how to make a change. after claiming His promises to be my peace, i was encouraged by 2 very wise women to put action to this faith. i slowly started to do more on my own - with God's strength of course - and He became the ONE i was dependent on. my heart became full of His love, strength, and peace and life slowly returned to 'normal.'
and now on the "other side of the valley" i am able to snuggle with my littlest love - miss stella marie. God reminds me through her little smiles and calm spirit that HE is my peace.
"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee because he trusts in Thee."
Isaiah 26:3
"For God has not given us a spirt of fear, but of power, and love, and discipline."
2 Timothy 1:7
"Finally be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might."
Ephesians 6:10
"Those who love Thy love have great peace, and nothing causes them to stumble."
Psalm 119:165
The name of the Lord is a strong tower; The righteous runs into it and is safe."
Proverbs 18:10
"When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul."
Psalm 94:19
"Be anxious about nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, shall guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:6-7
4 comments:
thanks for sharing what God has taught you. it's amazing how things always get better when i just slow down and focus on him. i was just talking to john today about some of those same concerns with thinking about a possible baby #2 for us. so thanks for the encouragement...i look forward to seeing you in person to talk in just a couple of weeks. :)
beautifully written, thanks for sharing your heart. Love the new family pictures.
I love this, friend. Beautiful story of God's faithfulness and absolute presence. And, beautiful pictures of Stella and your family of four. Love ya!
Such a wonderful post. You ARE good with words:)
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